Albus Dumbledore and the order of the house elf
by xopradachicxo
Summary: a really funny story! this is just a joke though!


It was a beautiful day, and it was pretty. The sky was a nice shade of violet (the color of gang green). Dobby was feeling very horny, he went to hogwarts to visit....uh.....the people. And then out of the corner of his eye he saw a beautiful creature walking towards him. The long white beard, the way the wrinkles in his skin went "in and out", his pink chapped lips and his big, crusty eyes underneath those hot tom ford for gucci glasses. He was wearing a big diamond necklace in the shape of a D and a white fur coat. he looked like p-diddy at his 100th birthday on steroids. He was a vision, almost like j. lo in the "love dont cost a thing" video. Dobby could feel he was changing...he suddenly wanted to use his nose for unnatural purposes. Then dumbledore noticed dobby looking at him in a provacative way. Dumbledore was suddenly turned on even more then dobby (must have been the bottle of viagra he downed only a couple of minutes ago). He started feeling very attracted to the little house elf. The way dobby's ears popped out like a chihuahua, his long, hard, pointy nose, his brown, peeling, un moisturized, wrinkly, melanoma inflicted skin and the way he almost looked like a lizard mixed with a puppy dog (dumbledore was very into beastiality back in his day). dumbledore couldn't help it- he RUSHED over to dobby and grabbed him by his ironed hands. he felt like a little boy again....dobby screamed "Dobby want to fuck dumbledore sir...but we need more people! menage a cinq!" Dumbledore knew he was right. he needed to find those special students to help him and dobby reach there G spots. He knew the only people who could do it were hermione, harry, ron, the clown that lives in the trailer park and maybe snape or McGonagall if they were up for it. Oh and maybe even Moaning Myrtle, because DUmbledore SO wanted to hear her moan. So it was a plan! they quickly contacted hermione, ron and harry who were very excited and looking forward to the night of fun and cum. Dumbledore had to email the clown to find out if he was "up" for it. here is the conversation.  
  
biGbEarDniGgA: yooooo..clown...waddup  
  
pEEwEe FanRBW: hey sexxxxxyyyyyy!!! i missed u.... why did u leave me hangin the other night?  
  
biGbEarDniGgA: sorry bout dat babe. i was mad buzy. i had to meet up wit hagrid nd give him head...long story...tell u l8r aight.  
  
pEEwEe FanRBW: ight...so wats poppin boo?  
  
biGbEarDniGgA: chill...so i wantd to kno if u wanna chill....me nd some ppl r gonna get together...do some crazzy ass shit. u in?  
  
pEEwEe FanRBW: hell yea...im in  
  
biGbEarDniGgA: o HoLlA! meet me by the whomping willow at 1...peace baby luv u lik a fat kid love cake.....1  
  
pEEwEe FanRBW: xoxoxoxoxooxox and bring me some whipped cream ight :)  
  
So they were all ready for the wild night. Dumbledore had brought some new victoria's secret bra and panties and of course whipped cream. Dobby had brought some fuzzy handcuffs and a dildo. Harry brought the pearl thong from sex and the city and hedwig (his pet owl). hermione brought a book on anal sex and tantra. ron brought the daquiris and the clown brought his big red nose and some jello.  
  
they all met up at the whomping willow. Dumbledore lead the way, taking them to what he called "the love shack". The love shack was a run down house that was used by hippies in the 60s. "I never knew we had something this kinky at hogwarts!" exclaimed harry. "there aren't a lot of things you know about hogwarts" replied dumbledore. "alright so lets get started" said hermione who began stripping. Dobby didn't really desire to have sex with hermione, ron or harry. He only wanted to be with Dumbledore. But he knew he needed to talk to him, for he had been hiding a heinous secret from him. "Dumbledore" dobby whispered in flaccid manner and he pulled Dumbledore out of the room and into the foyer. "Dumbledore Dobby has to tell you something" he said. "I have to tell you something too DObby.....I love you. and i dont care about fucking the students or the clown or anyone else...just you". "Dumbledore...sir..Dobby has to tell you that he loves you too. But...DObby isnt the house elf you thought he was sir." said Dobby. "What is it Dobby?" replied Dumbledore. "Dobby is a unic!" yelled dobby, sobbing hysterically. "oh Dobby....thats nothing to be ashamed about! said dumbledore putting his arm around dobby. "lots of people are unics. Filch is a unic and so is gilderoy lockhart....no wait...gilderoy has no dick as well as no balls!" "dobby was worried dumbledore wouldnt want him anymore!" said dobby. "oh dobby. i will always want you. and you should never be embarassed of yourself. everyone has there problems. even i do. you know i was born half woman and half man. and i also have premature ejaculation." said dumbledore. "oh dumbledore!" cried dobby, hugging dumbledore.  
  
the night was almost over. dobby and dumbledore had done there thing alone in the other room. they were both very content. Dumbledore was suprised at how good dobby was at putting his thing down, flipping and reversing it. And ron, harry, hermione and the clown had gotten jiggy with themselves and all there sex toys in the budoir.  
  
the next morning, Dumbledore awoke with a jolt. He got very scared that Voldemort had come, but soon saw that the feeling he felt was only Dobby's foot, shoved all the way up his ass. Dumbledore got up and decided to let Dobby sleep, the little tyke must have been very tired after all the dominatrix stunts he pulled last night. Dumbledore decided to go into the other room to see how everyone else was doing. Dumbledore walked in to find Ron, Hermione, Harry and the clown all smoking cuban cigars. He also noticed 3 mexicans sleeping at the foot of the bed. He immediatly wished he had joined their orgy because it had turned into a menage a neuf instead of the original menage a cinq. "good morning dumbledore" said Ron. "Im sorry I couldnt join you all last night. But Dobby wanted to get me alone" Dumbledore told them. "Its all right Dumbledore. You are really the one who missed out. Hermione showed us her ill deapthroat". said harry. "Yes, Dumbledore. It was really great. And we also learned a very poignant and rather obsolete sex position....it is called the Congress of the Cow" said hermione. "but thats not all!" exclaimed ron "we also found out that the clown has the magic stick!". "Yea" said the clown. "if i could hit once i could hit twice. shorty dont believe me then come here tonight". Dumbledore just smiled his little smile and walked away. He was sick of hearing them brag about their great night. He was down for anything but hearing about Hermione deep throat the clown wasnt something he was interested in. All he wanted was Dobby. Dumbledore had never felt that way about anyone before. He was used to being a pimp and getting with as many people as possible. But now he just wanted a monogomous relationship. It was a very strange feeling for him. It was similar to how he felt when he listened to his old Spice Girl CDs. He couldnt explain it. No...it couldn't be.....was Dumbledore falling........in love??!!!!  
  
A few hours later, everyone had returned to hogwarts to get on with there regular buisness, except for the clown who went back to his trailer to smoke weed and go on his webcam. Dumbledore went to talk to McGonagall about what happened with Dobby. "Minerva. Last night something very strange happened. Dobby and I....we made love". said Dumbledore. "Oh Albus, I thought you were finnished with that stuff, after what happened with Mrs. Norris?!" replied McGonagall. "Minerva I told you to never mention that incident again!! But Dobby is different. And I've never felt this way about anyone before. I think I love him". said Dumbledore. "You can't be serious! But I thought u like the pussy?" McGonagall said. "Its not about the sex this time. Although Dobby is very good, he licked me from my head to my toes and then we went from the bed to the floor! I dont know what to do Minerva, I dont want to be in love!" Dumbledore cried. "I know how you feel. Men like us never get what we want. I didnt want no one minute man but I ended up with Snape and I couldnt help it because I love him" McGonagall told him. "hmm....well I guess I will just have to accept my love for dobby. I hope he truly loves me back" said Dumbledore.  
  
Dumbledore walked around hogwarts aimlessly, just thinking about Dobby. Then he saw Fleur Delacour talking to nearly headless nick. He thought about how much he had always wanted her cho cha...sir nick's too...he would want to get with both of them. "NOOOOO" he said to himself remembering his commitment to dobby and shaking the thought out of his head.   
  
Dumbledore really didn't have anything to do. Nobody needed him at Hogwarts, Wizengamot or at the International Confederation of Wizards and Voldemort hadn't been a threat lately. He couldn't fuck anybody, not even Fawkes because he had gotten vogel-herpes. He didn't even feel like jerking off. So he decided to go visit Dobby who was very conveniently working at hogwarts.  
  
"Dobby, might I have a word with you"Dumbledore asked Dobby. "Dobby...err..yes...dumbledore sir..dobby will have a word with you" said dobby walking outside with Dumbledore.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
